Last few days kept me extremely caught up with different number of things, with my final exams, leading to my graduation, and then, farewell party, so on and so forth. I couldn’t have enough, what I famously coined as, “Me time “, its not my selfish needs rather a mere necessity I realized. In naive words, I missed my quiet time, when I’m just by myself, not planning, not analyzing, not ‘doing’ anything just being here and now, in this silent present moment. Few moments of quite time is like, a heavy rainfall amid drought time, something which recharges me, which has become a necessity and I haven’t felt more easeful before.
I remember, during my end semester exam time, when between exams, I was also learning German language and had a project too ! I felt tired and energy less coping with multiple things, something was missing I felt ? Of coarse I had way much pressure to perform, because of day long thinking and talking, brain felt like rat, continuously running under a wheel that leads nowhere!! I couldn’t even meditate well, when I sat down cross legged, closed my eyes, my exhausted mind immediately fell to sleep, knowing that forcing or using will never works. I pondered to simply spend time in my nearby lone garden, well separated from outside world, laid in nature tone, chirping of birds all around, coming there in dawn, was a delight ! Solitudenal experience blended with deep inner and outer silence, none was there to perturb, I still found that ‘joyful stillness’ intoxicating. I did nothing there, just blended myself within the beautiful silence offered by nature, stillness ripped upon itself. I used to sat beside a pond, half filled water radiated sunshine upon reflection from early rays of sun light, watching without any judgment or inner chatter, I experience true colors of nature. I was wise enough to understand diffrence between seeing and knowning. Being very still, I could have stealthy gaze at few birds and ducks, coming to drink water, I went away unnoticed owing to this powerful silence which blended me within itself. It was natural meditation, mind knowing the joy in present moment silence, effortlessly became still. As my my Buddhist teacher, Ajahn brahm quoted :
“Whatever you are aware of, you need that magical ingredient of kindness. When you are kind to what you are watching, it relaxes and so do you”
I wonder sometimes, why people talk so much, even if there’s nothing much say, we bring up any useless gossip rather than taking delight in silence. Many times relationships go astray because of endless agruements, comments create wars amongst countries, family get seperated because of back bitching. Are we afraid of silence ? As much as I observed, people feel bored being silent, of coarse omitting few. They just cannot stop, its a trap, ‘restlessness’ is what that perpetuates them to never stop. We are conditioned ‘to do’ always, doing nothing, being still is waste of time !!!! There’s a simile that the Buddha used, Restlessness is like having a tyrannical master or mistress always telling you: ” Go and get this,” ” Go and do that,” “That’s not not right,” ” Clean that up better,” and never giving you a moment of rest( MN 39′ I4). That tyrant is the fault finding mind. Subdue this tyrant through contentment. Watch the silence and be content to be silent. If you are truly content, you don’t need to say anything. Don’t most inner conversations take place form of complaining, attempting to change things, or wanting to do something else? Or escaping into the world of thoughts and ideas? Thinking indicates a lack of contentment. If you’re truly contended, then you’re still and quite . See if you can deepen your contentment, because it is the antidote for restlessness.
“All the thinking is about something, it is always one step away from penetrating the truth of matter.”
As I learned that every time, I couldn’t have peaceful environment in my surrounding, so it gave me an opportunity to learn to develop that inner shield of peace, it’s like watching the world from inside a bubble, you are into the water, yet not even a drop of water can come inside. Being still from within even in noisy environment, separated me from outside clamor. Silence is so much more productive of wisdom and clarity than thinking. Once we have realized that most of our inner thinking is really pointless, that it gets us nowhere and only gives us headaches, we gladly and easily spend more time in inner quiet.
As the wise man said,
“The entire energy of mind can be directed in two ways : It can go into reacting, doing thinking, struggling and striving; or it can go into letting go, not being involved and getting entangled, into just being aware without reacting. “