Last few days kept me extremely caught up with different number of things, with my final exams, leading to my graduation, and then, farewell party, so on and so forth. I couldn’t have enough, what I famously coined as, “Me time “, its not my selfish needs rather a mere necessity I realized. In naive words, I missed my quiet time, when I’m just by myself, not planning, not analyzing, not ‘doing’ anything just being here and now, in this silent present moment. Few moments of quite time is like, a heavy rainfall amid drought time, something which recharges me, which has become a necessity and I haven’t felt more easeful before.
I remember, during my end semester exam time, when between exams, I was also learning German language and had a project too ! I felt tired and energy less coping with multiple things, something was missing I felt ? Of coarse I had way much pressure to perform, because of day long thinking and talking, brain felt like rat, continuously running under a wheel that leads nowhere!! I couldn’t even meditate well, when I sat down cross legged, closed my eyes, my exhausted mind immediately fell to sleep, knowing that forcing or using will never works. I pondered to simply spend time in my nearby lone garden, well separated from outside world, laid in nature tone, chirping of birds all around, coming there in dawn, was a delight ! Solitudenal experience blended with deep inner and outer silence, none was there to perturb, I still found that ‘joyful stillness’ intoxicating. I did nothing there, just blended myself within the beautiful silence offered by nature, stillness ripped upon itself. I used to sat beside a pond, half filled water radiated sunshine upon reflection from early rays of sun light, watching without any judgment or inner chatter, I experience true colors of nature. I was wise enough to understand diffrence between seeing and knowning. Being very still, I could have stealthy gaze at few birds and ducks, coming to drink water, I went away unnoticed owing to this powerful silence which blended me within itself. It was natural meditation, mind knowing the joy in present moment silence, effortlessly became still. As my my Buddhist teacher, Ajahn brahm quoted :
“Whatever you are aware of, you need that magical ingredient of kindness. When you are kind to what you are watching, it relaxes and so do you”
I wonder sometimes, why people talk so much, even if there’s nothing much say, we bring up any useless gossip rather than taking delight in silence. Many times relationships go astray because of endless agruements, comments create wars amongst countries, family get seperated because of back bitching. Are we afraid of silence ? As much as I observed, people feel bored being silent, of coarse omitting few. They just cannot stop, its a trap, ‘restlessness’ is what that perpetuates them to never stop. We are conditioned ‘to do’ always, doing nothing, being still is waste of time !!!! There’s a simile that the Buddha used, Restlessness is like having a tyrannical master or mistress always telling you: ” Go and get this,” ” Go and do that,” “That’s not not right,” ” Clean that up better,” and never giving you a moment of rest( MN 39′ I4). That tyrant is the fault finding mind. Subdue this tyrant through contentment. Watch the silence and be content to be silent. If you are truly content, you don’t need to say anything. Don’t most inner conversations take place form of complaining, attempting to change things, or wanting to do something else? Or escaping into the world of thoughts and ideas? Thinking indicates a lack of contentment. If you’re truly contended, then you’re still and quite . See if you can deepen your contentment, because it is the antidote for restlessness.
“All the thinking is about something, it is always one step away from penetrating the truth of matter.”
As I learned that every time, I couldn’t have peaceful environment in my surrounding, so it gave me an opportunity to learn to develop that inner shield of peace, it’s like watching the world from inside a bubble, you are into the water, yet not even a drop of water can come inside. Being still from within even in noisy environment, separated me from outside clamor. Silence is so much more productive of wisdom and clarity than thinking. Once we have realized that most of our inner thinking is really pointless, that it gets us nowhere and only gives us headaches, we gladly and easily spend more time in inner quiet.
As the wise man said,
“The entire energy of mind can be directed in two ways : It can go into reacting, doing thinking, struggling and striving; or it can go into letting go, not being involved and getting entangled, into just being aware without reacting. “
Inside, each of one of us, we know what is right or wrong, what should be done or shouldn’t be done, to keep holding or it’s the time to let go, but what matters is, do we follow our inner voice!? Candidly speaking, we all know, how many times, we have stood against our guts in vain, trying to mold so called, ‘intuitions’ in succour of our will.
At least, in my case, I have eventually learned, how astounding these little guts feeling could be. I remembered well, when I was little kid, around 14 yrs old may be, I had some kind of precognition, that something dangerous is going to happen to someone very close to me, my own mother become the prey to my horrendous thoughts, she got sicked with life threatening disease, also I could catch that feeling inside me, which was pointing to wellness, doctors had given up, family was told “sorry” by docs, which is their code term for saying, have your last moments with your beloved one, but I knew, it will be not happen this way, albeit knowing this, I remained silent, within a week, she recovered, docs called it miracle recovery, I smiled 🙂 and was stunned too, how could I know this ? Am I special or it’s just a guess, perhaps a gimmick ? As I grew older, I observed that more and more, but it wasn’t a gift to me only, I knew loads of people, who had strong power of intuition.
Things started to become more clearer, as I started to practice meditation…..yes true I never found any holy person speaking from inside me but at the same time, I could confirm, there is something more deeper to it! One of the factor, as I learned is, ability to differentiate between hearing and listening, most of time, we are caught up in our world of thoughts, inner chatter occupies our mind, we don’t have a moment of silence inside our skull, and consequence of this way of living is, we are not able to listen to our ‘selfs’. ! Many times even body signals us but we didn’t even notice that, for example, in most cases of heart attack, the patient is warned before, the body signals indirectly, by pain in chest, spine….. But we couldn’t catch that, why? Simply, we don’t know or don’t want to sense our inner signals, many life’s could be saved, if we are just able to interact and learn to grasp our so called signals from our body !
Here goes the famous Einstein iterate ~
The intuitive mind is a scared gift and the rational mind is faithful servant. We have created a society, that honours the servant and has forgotten the gift.
Yes, I could declare it now, my past relationships went terribly wrong, when I look back, I could see, how much something inside me, was eagerly saying, “she isn’t the one”!! Being blinded in sham feelings, I kept sailing in the boat of ignorance………….. Later on, it blasted and in the end, I let it go, trusting myself, this should be done. Now, I don’t get involve or take my step back, whenever I smell something fishy !
This wise saying perfectly fits here :
” At the Center of your being, you have the answer; you know who you are and you know what you want. “
Ending this with a brilliant article on intuition and guts feelings :
This story has touched the bottom of my heart, its really tragic n at the same time shows the vulnerability toward animals, theirs a wise saying by gandhi :
The greatness of a nation and its moral progress can be judged by the way its animals are treated.
And where, we are leading to…..
Profoundly written, this is for all those who understand and know the beauty of silence and stillness!
Since beginning, we are conditioned to be negligent of death, being unprepared and ignorant, We bombshell, when faced to our own ultimate end !
Just today, I realized how powerful is mindfulness of death is ! When I saw the near to death encounter of my own mother!!!! Everything was going as usual, I was in college packed up fully in exams and project works, then, a call at a sudden, made me scurry up without even taking all my stuff along with me, it was call from a person, who is most better I say, the ‘only’ one who resides in my heart, my lovable, my life, my precious mother !!!!! Worst I heard her crying, with her voice trembling as, the tree trembles down, when it is cut from the roots, with leafs following every where directionless……. She got an accident and injured her and was very scared, later she told me, I was the first person, she called, so that she could bid me the final farewell, tears fell apart as the reckless rocks fall from grin of mountains, hastily I thus reached, there in emergency ward, I saw her miserable state and in no time, this insight hit my mind, Death, can occur anytime, it is govern by laws of uncertainty! As blesses one said, ” whatever you think it will be, it is always something different “; Yes, we all know this, but at that time, I didn’t only know that; but understood by heart! !
Now, when I look around, I could see, how lucky we are? look at those little tiny insects, they are stake of being crushed at any time! Those street animals, cats, who solely survive on garbage, many die due to starvation, perhaps ran down by car!!!
But, being humans, we have, intelligence, brain, processesing power, thus cotemplate, our lucky nature, and generate compassion towards weak beings 🙂 when I once saved a puppy life, I saw in his eyes, conveying deep gratitude towards me, thus still that memory give me happiness whenever I look back. ……….
“When you embrace the problem and bring it close to you, you have a chance to understand it. When you run way, your face is turned opposite to the problem”
( Ajahn brahm)
Also, being mindful of our death, helps us to be more kind and compassionate towards other beings, nurturing care and togetherness among each other, as we know, we care something themost when we know, it won’t last forever……No one knows what comes after death, but at least if we have lived our life wisely and earnestly, we could peacefully bid our final farewell, thus making our life meaningful, creating harmony amongst all beings. We start to value little things, as Buddha said, ” easily satisfied and content; not proud and demanding in nature” we appreciate what we have, not craving for what we couldn’t have, letting past go, nor thinking about future, living each and every moment happily and peacefully here and now.
This contemplation of death, is greatest contemplation, it makes us realize how uncertain, how out of control our life Is? Thus, whatever limited time, we have, we live it well, we find meanging of life. As Gandhi famously said, “Live your each day, as it’s yours last day” then only we will really ‘begin’ to live.